Day 2 and Enablers

Weight this morning 115.8. Wasn't really expecting something different although I can always dream!

I woke up sore as hell. I don't understand. I work out for a solid 45 minutes at the gym doing a body sculpting class and I'm not as sore as after day 2 of Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. What sort of magical power does this woman have? I suppose in class we isolate muscle groups and Jillian says that BS. I guess she is right! Also, in my class I only use 5 lb weights and at home I'm using 8 lbs.

You know those days where you just wake up sad and feel like the world will end if someone says even the slightest thing wrong? Today was that day for me so when I took my pouty butt to the gym today all I did was walk. I did the occasional incline. I burned about 200 calories. Even though Jillian burns about 160 for me, I actually feel like I'm being worked. Anyway, all is well with the world again. I made a delicious black bean soup . I skipped the sour cream, reserved some black beans to give it some chunkiness, and added a pinch of habanero cheese, cayenne pepper, and cilantro. Probably the easiest recipe I've ever made. So easy, good, and FAST! Oh, and low calorie! Wahoo!

Anyway, I'm here waiting for this food to digest to do day 3 of Jillian's workout. I'm still waiting for my Bob Harper DVDs!

Here is what I ate today:

• Mix of hemp cereal and bare naked vanilla almond with skim milk--> 290
•  coffee with splash of whole milk (no skim at work!!)--> 20
• small bit of cajun corn, 4 small buttered brussel sprouts, spoonful of mashed potatoes----> 160
• 2 tortilla chips, one dipped in black bean hummus, one in broccoli/cheese fondue---> 60 (let me say if I had ANY idea it would be this many calories I would have skipped this for sure!!!)
• small portion of mixed fruit---> 50
• mango greek yogurt with oatmeal and wheat germ- 200
• cottage cheese with sunflower seeds---> 100
• 2 cage free hard boiled eggs---> 140 (WHY are egg whites so gross btw???)
• fuji apple with peanut butter---> 175
• black bean and salsa soup----> 170
• 1/2 glass of cabernet----> 70 (wine is a weakness)
• 1/3 glass vanilla hemp milk---> 55

Total: 1490

I know I need to get more intense with my workouts. Tomorrow I better wake up feeling like a rockstar. If not, a little Bailey's in my coffee won't hurt, right? ;)

Before I go I want to talk about a support system for weight loss and health. I am so so lucky to ALWAYS be around supportive people when it comes to health. My mom is hot as hell and has a body I envy. My mom works her butt off at everything she does. She's always running around doing something. Since I can remember, she has always had the house spotless, great healthy food on the table, and had her exercises done in the morning. I could go on and on about all her wonderful traits but that's not what this is about.  My parents go to the gym and running together and, recently, they did their first 5K. They support each other and I dig that.  Then there is my sister, the trainer. I remember looking at her arms on her 30th birthday and seeing every single muscle striation in her arms. Seriously, AMAZING. We don't have any sibling rivalry. She makes me programs, helps me with what to eat (I added protein today cos of what you said, Jeidi!), and is always a source of good information. My brother has his ups and downs with fitness and health but overall, he's fine. My boyfriend is ever so supportive. He goes to the gym and impresses me all the time. He is encouraging but not pushy. He never makes me do anything but he also knows what I want and tries to help me any way he can. I love that. My friends have their ups and downs but many have trainers or gym memberships and do their best. It makes me so happy to have positive, healthy people in my life because I know if I didn't my goals would be so much harder to reach.

Clint (the boyfriend) and I watch a lot of weight loss/health shows and documentaries. I get so angry watching these because there are SO MANY enablers. Their "friends" actually encourage them to be unhealthy and give them hell for wanting to better their lives by eating better or quitting drinking/smoking. It's like, they don't have it in them to do the work to be healthy so they want all the people around them to be unhealthy as well. This is not a friend and this is not a person that needs to be kept around. These people are poison. Toxic. If you can't manage to push them out of your life, encourage them to make a change with you. If you surround yourself with enablers and people who encourage bad behavior, you will fall.

UPDATE: I did do Jillian after I finished this post and I KNOW, I KNOW I would not have done it unless I was tracking it. I would have just skipped it and said I was going to work harder tomorrow and not ever do that.

Day 1

I am not incredibly proud of my eating today. My workout wasn't that great either.

I will say that today was incredibly stressful.  All I did as far as working out was Level 1 of Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. For a person that is 154, they say it burns 180 calories. For me, I'd say it was only about 160.

I ate:

• hemp cereal with skim milk--> 300 calories. 
• 2 prunes- 44 calories
• 2/3 chobani mango yogurt with 1tsp of raw oatmeal and 1/4 tbs of wheat germ--> 128 calories
• white bread with butter---> 200 calories
• 4 oz grapefruit juice---> 50 calories
• 25 pistachios---> 100 calories
• 1 grapefruit--> 100 calories
• a bit of the concord grape raspberry V8 fusion-->  20 calories

Total: 942

I know, I know. The bread. What was I thinking? But I was what you would call hangry. I was to the point where I was pissed off at everything and everyone cos my blood sugar was so low. I had to remedy that and it was the only thing around at work.  I will choose something better next time. Fruit, perhaps? I'd brought a pomegranate but I left it in the car :/. Plus, in a situation like that, it's not fast enough.

Anyway, let's get to the part where that is far too few calories for a day. I eat at least 800 more than that on a normal day. Easily. Which is actually the problem. Today was just a bad, bad day. I do not recommend this for weight loss. Trust me, I've done it before. I want to be thin and toned because it makes me happy and being hungry all the time made me, well, kind of an unhappy bitch. A constant state of "hangry". No good.  Working out on that little food every day is just impossible. I may eat a little bit later but I still haven't shaken the stress. I'll let you know if I do. (Update: The grapefruit above is what I ate when I chilled out a bit. I love love love grapefruit. Two foods I eat almost every day are avocado and grapefruit. Yesterday, my avocados weren't ripe enough so I had to skip out but usually I eat a whole one on a salad or just with a splash of seasoned rice vinegar. Soooo good)

I have done pretty much everything in the world to lose weight. Healthy and unhealthy. 

I've done:

• Atkins- That lasted about 2 days. I have never been a big meat or protein eater.
• Juice fast -3 days. I was always hungry.
• Anorexia- always hungry, depressed. I wasn't great at it, thankfully.
• Bulimia -a huge problem with this is you justify eating so much crap because you know you won't keep it. This is bad if you want to change your food intake and eventually make good choices. Oh, and the million other health problems associated with this.
•  Alli diet pills- These worked for a few months. The best part about it is you are so scared to crap yourself (I did my research before I bought these) that you do not cheat. There was no way I was going to risk that. :) Eventually, however, it stopped working for me. I have also heard they aren't really great for you. I don't know if this is true and I don't feel like researching this because I no longer take them.
• Vegan- although this wasn't so much for the weight loss. It did help me lose a lot.
• Soft food- this I did for 3 months after I had to get TMJ surgery, not as a choice. I know a lot of weight loss blogs say to chew gum but I don't recommend it. It was a huge factor in me having to get a very painful surgery. I didn't even chew gum for weight loss but just because I loved it. Anyway, the surgery sucks and having to eat soft foods for 3 months got old.
• A million other things that I don't even remember.

Currently, I am a pescetarian. I eat fish even though it's very rare. I'd say I eat vegetarian about 6 days of the week, often 7. I do not buy bad food for the house. I have nothing "bad" at the house. I have lots of fresh vegetables and fruit,  whole grains, cage free eggs, light cheese. At home, if I'm hungry, I just get a snack that I have.  If I had bad things, I'd eat them. Instead, I have to choose fruit, or vegetables, or yogurt instead. At work, it's another story. There are just so many sweet foods and sweets are my weakness. This is my biggest obstacle and I am trying hard to not be tempted by all the sweets. 

I also don't push myself. I cannot work out by myself. Not hard, anyway.  I need a trainer, a class, a partner, etc. I just don't have it in me yet to motivate myself. At least I make myself go to a workout class at least 6 days a week. I'll get there, eventually. I have made myself start running. I didn't do it today because it started raining when I was going to go and I didn't have the time to go to the gym and do the treadmill before work.  Tomorrow is supposed to be nice so I am hoping to do so. 

I'm bored of writing. I'll update tomorrow.

Intro

This is my new blog holding myself responsible for my body. I'm not fat. I know that. I'm quite thin, actually. At 5'6.5 and 115.4 lbs, this BMI calculator says I'm just slightly underweight.  However, I'm one of the oh-so-lucky people who accumulates fat in her belly and face and I've never been able to get rid of it. This is what I want gone. I know it's possible so this is me making myself do it.

I will be tracking every calorie that goes through my body and every calorie that I burn. I want results. I want to maintain them. I want to look like this: 

 There is no one to blame but me for not having the body that I want. I will write more tonight. I have plenty  more to say but I must leave now.